As always, December has been a rather hectic time a year.
The good news is, that Sir T and I have found a way to have more spanking in our life together. It was in 2012 we decided not to have disciplinary spankings in our relationship. Since I associated spankings with severe punishments, I have not been able to enjoy them since.
Looking back, I probably was too young and uncertain about my value to engage in a 24/7 relationship. I had a constant fear of being bad, feeling that each punishment showed my uselessness as a partner. To me, I never took the punishments well enough and I found it hard forgiving myself afterwards for messing up, leaving me with self-despite and grief. Moreover, I didn’t tell Sir T what was going on, I just became frustrated, earning me more punishments, leving me more miserable, thus completing the bad circle. In that way, I used the discipline given to hurt myself, which is just crazy.
As I have grown confident and more mature, I feel ready to start over and explore my spanking interest once more. Sir T has wanted it all along and is thrilled to be on this journey with me.
We have started role playing and I was soundly spanked as a slutty colleague. It was difficult not being able to maintain self control during the spanking without feeling guilt, and not being expected to take the spanking perfectly. I ended up crying in Sir T:s arms and it felt good. There was no self despite, no frustration, just a sense of calm gratitude.
We went to a BDSM party and when a woman stole Sir T’s chair, I offered him mine, asking to be placed in the corner instead. Since I grow tired from too noicy parties, this was a great way for me to rest for a while, my bottom on display of course. Then I hung over Sir T’s knee for a spanking before being put on the cross and spanked a bit more. The problem with parties is that Sir T can neither hear me, nor I him. We have to sense each other wich can be tricky. I enjoyed it a lot anyway.
I have already given Sir T his Christmas present, since I didn’t want my family to see it. It’s a paddle strop for razor knives.
Since I know an engraver that knows about our interest, I had him engrave one side with “To my perfect gentleman” and the other, as seen below, with “Sharpen me softly”.
Sir T was delighted and found good use of the leather pouch that it came in as well.
I’m looking forward to exploring the world of spankings further in 2016.
In the meantime, I wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.